Putting the sham into Aylesham, Paul Morrissey is one of 15 full time staff at our production facility, where we produce the finest butter fudge known to humanity and distribute it directly to the likes of Selfridges, Harrods, Claridges, Amazon and, indeed, to our own equally legendary stores.

Since the arrival and vital help of Russell last year, Paul has been relegated to the mezzanine floor where his only friends are spreadsheets, stock figures and an endless supply of cheesy Wotsits. With the vital help of Donald Trump, they have since built a wall around Paul to provide a smart and highly professional office, in which Paul’s face just doesn’t fit. There goes the neighbourhood …

Where the magic happens: the Aylesham production facility

Where the magic happens: the Aylesham production facility

Concurrently forecasting and planning for the mightily complicated, component-heavy Drinking Fudge and Home Kit ranges for Q4, Paul & Hazel have also recently been catching each other faint whilst getting their heads around the data and complexities of the soon-to-be-live Production Database, which logs every one of 1,200 components, from packaging to ingredients. His is a world of BBE dates, batch codes, traceability and conformance (nope, not a clue ..!)

He is the stock control king. Not a label nor a grain of sugar dare hide from his feverish inputting. Even the production team daren’t stand still, for fear of being coded. But what does he file himself under …?

Paul Morrissey: stock controller extraordinaire

Paul Morrissey: stock control with bells on … Morris dancing bells

1. Name? Paul Morrissey

2. Position? Warehouse & Supply Chain Manager

3. How long have you worked at FK? It’ll be two years on December 1st.

4. Favourite flavour? Coconut. Nom nom nom.

5. Favourite FK product? The new Dairy Free Ginger Spice Drinking Fudge is gob-smackingly good.

6. What do you like about your job? The people, the variety and the unexpected. I’m also a bugger for a spreadsheet and a list.

7. Favourite activities when you’re not at work? Spending time with my girlfriend, playing a variety of stringed instruments, pub-fancying and general imbibing.

8. Tell us something that might surprise us about you? I’m a morris dancer.

(Are you really, Paul?, ed)

(Are you really, Paul?, ed)

9. What’s one thing you couldn’t live without? My ears. I couldn’t bear the thought of not hearing and I’d have terrible trouble putting my sunglasses on.

10. What kind of music do you listen to? All kinds, but mostly folk, indie, punk and new-wave.

11. What’s your favourite TV programme? Dr Who. I’ve never grown out of that.

12. If you had to eat one meal every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? Fresh grilled herrings with an orange and pomegranate cous-cous salad.

13. Dog or cat person? Both. Don’t tell my cat, but my preference is for the hounds.

14. Motto or Personal Mantra: Not in the face.

15. How long is a piece of string? Can I answer that? I’m a frayed knot.

16. If you could sell fudge to any person alive or dead who would it be? Oliver Reed. A fascinatingly troubled but entertaining man and I suspect he’d be considerably more Rum than Raisin.

17. What is the most overrated film of all time? Lord of the Rings. Every single one of them.

18. Star Wars or Star Trek? I enjoy both, but Star Wars wins by a country parsec.

"I intend to live forever or die trying" Groucho Marx

“I intend to live forever or die trying” Groucho Marx

19. In the event of a zombie apocalypse where would you run to and what would be your weapon of choice?Aylesham Leisure Centre. Mostly because there’s a bar, but also because my weapon of choice would be the treadmills. I’d just line them up at the entrance, set to slow and let the dead-dudes stagger to eternity whilst I get off my living-rocker on Strongbow.

20. Who would play you in a film of your life? Harpo Marx. *makes two bike horn noises*